Is it me or the things I do?

Hi strangers!  I’ve missed you!

I’ve been keeping very busy since we last chatted.  Lots of cleaning, organizing, and decluttering going on in my house.  And even some exercising.  I’m not sure where this burst of energy came from but I’m going to ride it as long as I can.  It’s a great feeling to walk into a closet or open a drawer and feel the peace of an uncluttered, organized space.  Maybe that sounds too Zen to you, but I here to tell you it’s true.

But that’s not what I wanted to talk about today.

Today I’d like to take a moment and talk about what we do and who we are.

I love doing things to make people happy, put a smile on their face, or make them feel special.  I do these things because I want to show I love and care about someone.  It’s for them.  If you’re familiar with Gary Chapman’s work, you might say acts of service is one of my top love languages.  It’s how I express my love for others.  But if I’m completely honest with myself, there is some place deep inside me that believes if I didn’t do things for people, they wouldn’t like me.  Which I think comes from a little place that still believes I am not good enough to be liked for who I am.

This really hits home when someone is bothered by who I am.  I mean those things that I do or say without even thinking about them.  Or the way I do or say things.  I feel like it’s not what I say that bothers them (which can be easily fixed), but who I am (which is not so easily fixed).  It’s as if love becomes connected to things on its way out, but it becomes connected to me on its way in – or when it doesn’t come in.  I may have completely lost half of you by now and the other half may think I’m completely nuts.  Either one is okay.  It comes down to the feeling that I sometimes feel like people will love me if I do the right things, but won’t love me just for who I am.

Now don’t get me wrong.  This isn’t something that clouds my every thought.  But once in a while a crops up, and when it does, it bugs me.  I’ve come a long way over the years in knowing who I am and there are a lot of qualities about myself that I love.  I wonder, though, where I learned that it’s what I do and not who I am that people love.  And why that belief holds on so tightly.  When did my love language become my reason to be loved?

What do you think?  Do you have a hard time separating what you do from who you are?  If you took away those things would you feel as though there was enough left to be loved?  Or worth being loved?

~mwe

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My 2 1/2 Hour Vacation

I took a 2 1/2 hour vacation today.  Alone.  And it was lovely.

This may not seem very notable, but let me assure you, it is – for a couple reasons.

First, I can’t remember the last time I did such a thing.  Yes, I go to the grocery store alone or an occasional errand, but for the most part – especially during the summer – someone is always with me.  And not only is someone always with me, but whatever it is we’re doing is for that person.  Taxiing back and forth to practices, rehearsals, the dentist, the orthodontist, the doctor … I could go on but I won’t.  While none of these alone drives me crazy, the steady, seemingly never ending list sometimes has the potential to drive me over the edge.

So what’s a mom to do when she feels like she’s living everyone else’s life but her own?  She gets away, right?  Let me assure you, the thought has crossed my mind.  I’ve researched all kinds of retreats and getaways.  They all, however, seem to come back to the same limitations – time and money.  Oh – and the fact that I’m not a huge fan of traveling.  I love being in new places, but getting ready and getting there often leave me deciding that staying home is a better option.  (Let me say here, my husband is more than supportive of me taking a little vacation.  It’s usually my own “inner voice” that shuts it down before it happens.)

The fact remains, though, that I still feel the need to have a little alone time.  Go somewhere of MY choosing, do what I want to do there, for as long as I want to do it, and leave when I’m ready.  So as I was driving home from church, I had an idea.  The art museum.  Yes, I could go to the art museum.  I’m not on call to take anyone anywhere for the afternoon.  Robert would be home.  And the best part?  It’s free on Sundays.  I brought it up to Robert and he immediately knew what his answer should be.  He’s a smart guy.  When I told my girls good-bye they asked where I was going.  When I told them they said, “Alone?  Without me?”  And as hard as it was to say, my answer was, “Yes.  Alone.  By myself.”  A smile and a kiss and I was out the door.

Let me tell you there was still that little voice that tried to talk me out of it.  Somehow even an afternoon seemed selfish.  But once I was in the car I was positively giddy.  I couldn’t wait to get there and walk around experiencing the artwork and taking pictures.  (Yes, contrary to what the older gentleman next to me in the first gallery asked his wife,  you can take pictures in a museum.  At least this one.  As long as you don’t use a flash.)

Here are some of my favorites …

This was part of an outdoor Alice in Wonderland chess set.

So was this. I'm crazy for the crazy look in this cat's eyes.

A display of American coverlets

I fell in love with this little girl. Her name is Lady Gertrude Fitzpatrick and the painting is called "Collina" by Sir Joshua Reynolds.

There was an exhibit of works by a Columbus artist named Aminah. These all represent different spirituals.

Amazing Grace

Another piece by Aminah

"Endeavor" by Lino Tagliapietra

Dale Chihuly ... love love love.

Glass and stone

More Chihuly

And some more ... did I mention I love his work?

As I was driving home, I realized how glad I was I took the time for an afternoon to myself.  And how less traumatic it was on everyone than I thought it would be.  Maybe I don’t need to go away and spend a weekend or a week alone (mind you, I’m not taking that off the table – it just doesn’t seem quite so urgent.)  Maybe a few hours every couple of weeks would do wonders for me.  Maybe it would do wonders for my family.  Because as hard as it is to admit sometimes, my mother’s example of giving every minute of every day to every one else may not be the best example for me to live by.

Sometimes … once in a while … a person needs to be herself.  For herself.  And no one else.

And when she does, she may even start to feel a little like Julius Caesar …

I went where I wanted to go.  I saw what I wanted to see.  I read everything I wanted to read.  For as long as I wanted to stand there.

Then I had ice cream.

It was quite a lovely day.

~mwe

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Summer Cool Down

This picture makes me think … cool.

How about you?

~mwe

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Take 5

Hello all –

I want to let you know I’m taking a little time off from daily blogging.  I’ve decided I’d like to devote some time and energy to other things – namely my physical health.

One of my first 5k's

Almost five years ago I was about to run my first half marathon and I could bench press almost 100 pounds.  Then I went to grad school, wrote a dissertation, and spent a year recovering from it all.  Needless to say, it’s taken a toll on my fitness level.  As those of you who blog daily (or often) know, it can consume a considerable amount of time and energy.  My plan is to redirect this time and energy to getting myself back in shape.

Writing has become an important part of my life, so I’m not giving it up!  I’ll still write when I feel I have something to say (or ask), and I’ll still be posting some photos that I take from time to time.  Most importantly, I’ll still be reading your blogs.  Although it sounds odd, I feel like I’ve come to know many of you and I don’t want to lose the sense of relationship I’ve come to have as we share our thoughts and feelings.

Remember, you can be notified of when I do post by subscribing (if you haven’t already).  You can do this even if you don’t have a WordPress account by submitting your email address.

As always, thanks for reading!  Until next time …

~mwe

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Rainy Afternoon

The day started with bright blue skies, but by the afternoon it was pouring rain.  I headed to the back porch to see what I could find.

 

 

~mwe

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Unhinged

Coming unhinged is usually seen as something bad.  You need to hammer that nail back into place.  Put isn’t it coming out because it doesn’t fit anymore?  The wood around it has changed and pushed it out?  Maybe it needs to come out and be used to build something else.  Maybe it needs to find a new purpose.

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Double Take

I have a few ideas percolating around in my head, at least one I’m procrastinating on, but none to put to paper (or computer, as the case may be.)  So I’ve decided to take the slacker approach to a blog post – go back and look at some previous ones.  I haven’t been blogging for very long at all compared to some, but with over 100 posts I at least have a feel for what people have read and what they haven’t.  Sometimes big bloggers post their most popular posts – but I thought, why do that?  If they are the most popular, most people have read them.

So I’m going to go against the grain and share with you 4 posts that I wish more people would read.  They were all written before most people subscribed to my blog, so they are near the bottom of the pile (reader-wise), but I think they are worth giving another try.  As I picked these, I noticed they represent four facets of my life – parent, musician, educator, and Christian.

Parent – Fish Wisdom (23 views)

Musician – Music alone shall live – Or will it? ( 31 views)

Educator- Questions that count (41 views)

Christian – So what am I? Worthless dust or a priceless miracle? (34 views)

I hope you’ll take a minute and check them out.  I think they’re worth a read.

~mwe

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Gratitude Tuesday: The Icing on the Cake

It’s Gratitude Tuesday and I learned an important lesson this week – if I wait until the end of the week to make my list, I miss so much.  I need to take time each day to reflect, otherwise the special little things I want to remember get lost in the shuffle.

So here is what stood out over the last week …

I’m grateful for:

• Girl time
• Chocolate icing on birthday cakes
• Homecomings
• New recipes
• Finding an unexpected bargain
• Seeing the wonder of catching lightening bugs through the eyes of a child
• A child who still appreciates the wonder of catching lighteningbugs
• The moon on a hot summer night
• Did I mention chocolate icing?

~mwe

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Celebrating Our Rights, Knowledge, and Wisdom

In the United States, the majority undertakes to supply a multitude of ready-made opinions for the use of individuals, who are thus relieved from the necessity of forming opinions of their own.  – Alexis de Tocqueville

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect. – Mark Twain

Here’s to celebrating the right to have opinions, the knowledge to form them, and the wisdom to change them – Happy 4th!

~mwe

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Under the Lilac Bush

Maybe it’s because I’ve spent too much time reading children’s story books, or maybe it’s because I sometimes long for the days of playing make-believe when I was a little girl, but when I found these little mushrooms in my backyard I let out a little gasp.  They immediately made me imagine a little village living right under my lilac bush.  I’ll leave imagining the inhabitants up to you ….

 

~mwe

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